Archive for August 2009
somewhere only we know
Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
this is exhausting. i am so tired.
must not
1. cut people off midway in speech when excitement cannot be contained (i am always pre-empting people when i think i know what they’re going to say…
eg. ‘i just graduated-’
‘from the US?’
‘yes. i did e-’
‘ooh i bet you did engineering?’
‘yes, computer engineering. i just started work, actually.’
‘do you like your job? no wait don’t answer, im sure you do, right??’
OMG how annoying am i. i apologize if i do that when i talk to you, it’s like my brain is listening but my mouth has a mind of its own… anyway i only do that when i’m excited to speak to you… honest. please don’t slap/think of slapping me.
2. keep buying anymore copies of US Vogue (even though nothing beats a glossy magazine, and the September issue looks thick and therefore value for money) because am fast running out of dough to buy work clothing/shoes!!
3. spend any more money on pants that are of a ridiculous colour, eg. magenta-blue because it is not work-appropriate, even if i think i can pull it off.
4. overeat to point of bursting. eukkk.
still
stay or go? i still have yet to make up my mind and it is soddingly frustrating. what do i want? what are my pull factors, as merwyn says- are the pull factors strong enough to make me stay in singapore? i could think of one very strong pull factor right now (apart from family) but i think that would never materialise. and this is one thought that would really disappoint and hurt if i continued to believe in it- so i should really stop it right now.
ARGHHH. i am so bad with major life decisions. but i will make this decision …soon i hope!
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
Its no problem of mine but its a problem I find
Living a life that I cant leave behind
Theres no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool wont set you free
But thats the way that it goes
And its what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
yeah this song really came to mind when i was typing this post; that is exactly what i’m feeling right now. if i had a soliloquy right now this totally be it. i honestly mean it. i wish i was less wishful and more cynical….. but i can’t. i cannot ever imagine thinking badly of you, which makes it so damn hard to cull these stupid inane thoughts. still, if ever you did ask me to stay….. i guess i would, in a heartbeat. that’s if ever, EVER being the operative word ahaha. anyways- must not continue in foolish ways and need to wake up to reality and ask self what self wants (am writing like this because am reading Bridget Jone’s Diary now and she writes like this). i feel like eating 1392434 donuts right now.
