bonjour brightside

oh my amazing God. my life is looking up. no wait it just got 10x better. i am graduating with honours!!!

shit happens. there is nothing more succint and well-put than this rather crass sounding and matter-of-factly phrase, simply because, well you know, it’s true. why say “hey, you know, it happens to the best of us, so deal with it” when you could just as easily convey the same sentiment with “shit happens”. cos yeah, shit really does happen. while i don’t intend to let this post become an ode to dookie, i really mean to say that i had the shittiest of shit days today. i’m not going to harp on it and torment you with details but i guess it was really an amalgamation of road blocks and annoying niggly little things that triggered an avalanche of self-doubt, fear and anguish. i know i shouldn’t let things get me down, seeing as i’ve come this far…..but it’s kind of hard to keep telling myself to be positive when the obstacles keep coming, and the silver lining is nowhere in sight. i know i have a lot to be thankful for, and believe me, i am. it could have been a lot worse. but sometimes, no matter how big or trivial the problems are, you just have to give in to your emotions, whine A LOT to someone who won’t hold it against it you in future (thanks sher!), have a good cry, before you eventually come to the realisation that hey, maybe things aren’t really that bad, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. grin and bear it, suck it up, just keep swimming. i cannot wait for the day when i’ll look back at this all and say to myself, “i have no idea how i got through this but i did”.

love this song- it got me through so many hard times back in 2004 (officially the most harrowing year of my life). so yes i dedicate this post to all you anonymous people out there who need encouragement, and this poem i dug out from my old blog in 2004, just to remind myself that shit happens, but that’s what toilet paper is for.

 

don’t quit

when things go wrong
as they sometimes will
when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill
when the funds are low
and the debts are high
and when you want to smile
but you have to sigh
when care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must, but don’t you quit

life is odd with its twists and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turns about
when he might have won
had he stuck it out
don’t give up though
the pace seems slow
you may succeed with another blow

success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt
and you can never tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the flight when you’re hardest hit
its when things seem worst
that you must not quit.

p.s. i caught This Is It yesterday- fking amazing stuff. MJ’s passion for music, saving the earth and showmanship is so awe-inspiring that it makes my heart ache. i never considered myself a fan but now i am compelled to promote his labour of love- go watch!

A boy said,
Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the trees.
The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they pick the rotten apples on the ground that aren’t as good, but easy.
So the apples on top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality – they are amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

saw this while randomly blog-surfing, and i loved it so much i had to share! isn’t this a beautiful analogy? every single girl needs a little reminder every now and then that they are fabulous.

now that med school is finally over, i miss it so!! sometimes i have to pinch myself and look at my calendar to make sure that there really is NO MORE UNI. has it really been five years? FIVE long, gruelling (okay, not that gruelling), insane years of anatomy/physiology/pathology/internal med/surgery? was i really eighteen when all this first started? wowza.

i spent the whole of yesterday and today in bed doing crosswords and watching shows. the feeling of not having anything to do is somewhat strange. i miss being in the hospital, (pretending to be) busying myself with patient admissions and whatnot, gawking at unusual presentations of rare diseases and generally fantasizing about being in the Land of The Employed next year.

while i am truly glad and thankful for it to be all over, i am also overcome with trepidation and anxiety for what is to come. it all sounds too scary to be true- writing up prescriptions and drug charts, admitting patients, being on ward calls, emergencies, certifying deaths… gone is the comfortable role of ‘medical student’, where one never has to write a drug chart (unless illegally) or make sure that the patient gets her CT scan done by hook or by crook, or ring the consultant at 2am in the morning with trepidation. a medical student comes and goes as one pleases, follows one of the doctors around and asks to be given some ‘work’ to do. one is often offered menial tasks like putting in drips and taking bloods and checking up lab results. if one is lucky, there is an opportunity to do an admission, or a cool procedure like a punch biopsy or a lumbar puncture. if one is truly down on one’s luck, then a slew of boring discharge summaries is thrust in one’s way with a kindly voice that goes “well you don’t really have to do it if you don’t want to, BUT it would be good for your learning”, and then one knows that one is trapped. (something i’ll try with my fifth-years next year) ahaha

i’ll say it again: i miss med school, i miss the frivolity and fun of being students, i miss having something to do when i wake up (but come january i will sorely regret this). can’t say med school was always a joyride but i got through unscathed, and i had SO much fun! i really enjoyed being a part of the team, and even though i whine a lot, admitting delirious patients and doing paperwork was tolerable, and the honour of meeting so many incredible people who have inspired and influenced my career choices has been amazing… and of course, the patients. being in a position to help others is the best thing that ever happened to me, and being a support pillar for a sick person really reminds me that i too, can be strong when i have to be.

my favourite memory of med school happened when i was in obstetrics last year, and i helped deliver a baby from a 36 year old female who had schizophrenia, a drug addiction and a criminal record. it was her 6th child, and all her previous 5 children had been put into foster care. together with her partner, they reeked of alcohol and cigarettes/pot in the delivery suite. she was aloof, cranky and potty-mouthed. it was difficult but i told myself not to judge, that i was there to do my job and be kind and supportive. after the delivery (which was by far the easiest and quickest one i’d ever done), i was getting ready to walk out of the hospital when i saw her out on the foyer, smoking a cigarette. she caught my eye, smiled and waved to me, then yelled “thanks! you did great!” over to me as i left. it was the best kind of fulfilment, because i knew it was God’s way of telling me that i was made for this crazy job.

ahhh those were the good old days. and better days yet to come!!

im supposed to turn in now but i’m way too excited for sleep. come morning i will dress in my (not-so) finest and adorn my head with flowers for Cup Day! yay! i didn’t manage to get a new dress or a ridiculous OTT fascinator as i would have liked to (these things are crazy expensive!!) but i think it will be an amazing experience. my first melbourne cup- horseys, strawberries and champagne here we come! i hope we don’t get drunk before noon- that’d be an outright shame. i’ve never been one to bet on horses (or the lotto for that matter) but i think i shall try my luck! cannot believe that i’ve been watching the races for the last 3 weeks and now i’m actually reading betcards online omg. i sort of feel like some dork looking at all these stats. why do horses have such weird names like Enzed Girl or Whipthebrewer? ahaha. last year my seniors won $150 (they bet $3 on a random horse that had 50:1 odds and it won!!) -amazing. so my strategy is this: pick ANY horse that has odds>30:1 and doesn’t have a retarded-sounding name!