do you dare

May 16, 2009

i just read carmen’s blog and came to know that she got her PR status approved! congrats babe! i find it so inspiring not merely because God has truly blessed her so abundantly, but because she was a woman of GREAT faith and declared God’s favour upon her life, even before she knew when she would receive it. it was then that i realised that i wanted lots of things (ie. not material items) like getting my elective application approved, getting a decently priced air ticket back home and all the other mundanities in my life that only i will care about- and i came to the realisation that i didn’t dare to ASK. why did i not dare to ask? i could come up with a million excuses for myself, but the answer here is plain and simple- i had little faith. and also because i thought that God would not bother about my petty requests. so i resigned myself to ‘fate’, believed that ‘whatever’s meant to be mine will be mine’ and ‘i’ll just have to wait’; but the truth is that i didn’t dare to ask, i didn’t even try. sure, i ‘wished’ for things, i ‘hoped’ for the best, but i never opened my mouth to say that ‘i want’. i guess this wake-up call couldn’t have come at a better time, especially now when i feel like i’m stuck in a rut.

i remember when i was 16 i lost my wallet (given to me by my bunch of close classmates) and my new nokia handphone (a 1-month old birthday present from my dad) and i was devastated. i’d never lost my wallet or phone ever, and i was crushed that i lost 2 birthday presents that had so much sentiment attached to them in one shot. the next day i got a card from my classmates and one of them wrote “God cares about the birds and the bees, and He cares about lost wallets too” so i prayed for my wallet or phone to be recovered, in the slightest glimmer of hope i still harboured. the next week i didn’t get my wallet or phone back- but i received the exact same wallet that i’d lost (my same classmates bought me a NEW wallet again) and i think what i really got out of this whole wallet-losing incident was that God does care about me, to have given me AMAZING friends who love me enough to go to all that trouble. i must say that i didn’t really think that i would get my wallet/phone back, but in a way i did! i guess they don’t call it faith if you can see it; faith is invisible, so is God. but we believe, and we hold on tight, and we declare His promises upon our lives, and we hope KNOW it will happen.

p.s. the grey’s anatomy finale was a heartbreaker. i know i use the term loosely, but this time i really mean it. every single episode tugs at my heartstrings but this one pwned them all.


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