still

August 22, 2009

stay or  go? i still have yet to make up my mind and it is soddingly frustrating. what do i want? what are my pull factors, as merwyn says- are the pull factors strong enough to make me stay in singapore? i could think of one very strong pull factor right now (apart from family) but i think that would never materialise. and this is one thought that would really disappoint and hurt if i continued to believe in it- so i should really stop it right now.

ARGHHH. i am so bad with major life decisions. but i will make this decision …soon i hope!


Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
Its no problem of mine but its a problem I find
Living a life that I cant leave behind
Theres no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool wont set you free
But thats the way that it goes
And its what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

yeah this song really came to mind when i was typing this post; that is exactly what i’m feeling right now. if i had a soliloquy right now this totally be it. i honestly mean it. i wish i was less wishful and more cynical….. but i can’t. i cannot ever imagine thinking badly of you, which makes it so damn hard to cull these stupid inane thoughts. still, if ever you did ask me to stay….. i guess i would, in a heartbeat. that’s if ever, EVER being the operative word ahaha. anyways- must not continue in foolish ways and need to wake up to reality and ask self what self wants (am writing like this because am reading Bridget Jone’s Diary now and she writes like this). i feel like eating 1392434 donuts right now.

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